The thing about this picture is it doesn’t just look like me, it looks like it is me. It’s not. I don’t know who it is. A relative no doubt, it was in the family photos. It’s so strange to look at a picture and feel like I am looking at myself but knowing that I am not.
Education is not the total of all one is taught but the total of all one has learned. It is not the time spent, it is how the time is spent that makes these years worthwhile. No doubt, graduation from high school is a turning point in one’s life. Whether it is a positive or a negative change however, depends on the attitude one has when facing the future. The opportunity exists for all of us to succeed in whichever manner we choose. Time is our unifying resource and our most precious commodity. The knowledge we have gained in the past three years will be applicable in our future. We should learn where to apply this knowledge and experience in our lives.
Education is relevant to success. Success is a road to travel, not a place to reach. It can be had by anyone at any time. A successful person is one who keeps striving. One has infinite struggles; to succeed he must simply continue to accept the next challenge. An athlete does not necessarily have to break the ribbon to win. His success can be an improvement of time or just finishing.
“A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” There is no risk in standing still…yet neither is their gain. Today is a day of decisions and a day of dreams. All people want their dreams to come true but some do not know what their dreams are. One can not expect his ship to come in if he has not sent one out. It is time to raise our sails.
As Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, “Alas for those who never sing but die with all their music still in them.” We all have a song to sing, a thought ot share, a hope to cherish and a lifetime to fulfill our dreams.
In life, there are those who give and those who take; ultimately it is the givers who receive. Few discover the secret to experiencing the greatest aspect of life. True happiness comes through giving, service above self. It has been said that one is happy only wen he is contributing of himself. The truly contented are those who are dedicated to fulfilling the lives of others. It was perhaps best said in the Bible: “Do unto others the way you would have them to do unto you.”
The philosophy of putting service above self may seem to be one of self denial, yet that is not necessarily the case. It may seem contradictory, nevertheless, by putting the needs of others above his own needs, one receives more than he gives.
A beautiful story about giving and receiving was written by Harold Kohn in his touching book, The Tinsel and the Hay. A program entitled Santa Caluse Anonymous was established in New York to provide impoverished children with gifts to brighten their Christmas mornings. A thirteen-year-old boy struggled to collect pennies to donate to this noble cause. The day before vacation was a day of intense blizzards. Snow drifts piled high; school buses were stranded. Undaunted, the young boy trudged through the snow to present the fifteen cents he had collected to the school principal. Tears sprang to the eyes of the principal as he accepted the gift because he knew that the young boy was on the list of destitute children to receive a gift from Santa Claus Anonymous. Instead of receiving a material gift, this child received a far greater gift, the realization that he had the power to give.
The most precious gifts are often intangible, as demonstrated in this Eskimo saying: “Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you will feed him for a lifetime.” A service is a form of a gift, the greatest gift of all.
The psychiatrist, Dr. Victor Frankl may be the greatest authority on human behavior. He endured three years of almost unendurable torture in Nazi death camps such as Auschwitz and Dachau. His book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” contains fascinating conclusions about survival. Contrary to the belief of Sigmund Freud, Frankl proves that human beings do not necessarily resort to “animal behavior” when deprived of food. Frankl discovered one common aspect of the survivors: Life was expecting something of them. “Life asks of every individual a contribution, and it is up to that individual to discover what it should be.”
Corrie Ten Boom is a survivor of those camps and the author of the book The Hiding Place. Corrie and her family harbored many persecurted Jews from the Nazis. As a result of this tremendous service to others, she lost her home, her family and almost her life. Corrie lost so much it owuld seem she had no more to give. Materially, she had nothing, as a human being, no one could be richer. Corrie is a loving, caring person whose will to live and will to give were strengthened by her almost unbearable experience. Through service above self it is true that one often denies himself of material possessions; however, what one gains through this denial is non-material and irreplacable.
An hold Hindu proverb states that “they who give have all things they who withhold have nothing.” No doubt it is through giving that one truly receives. Either on a small scale, a youngster with a few pennies to spare on a large scale, determining the quality and/or the existence of life, service above self, giving with no expectation is an investment not only in the lives of others but also for one’s self. To quote the popular artist, Flavia, “Each of us is important and has something to give. Listen to the music wihin you and believe in yourself. Don’t be afraid. Take the risk of living.”
One of my treasured possessions is an inscription Professor Rassias wrote for me which continues to comfort me in times of doubt. He signed it “with love and respect, John.” With love and respect. That was how he treated everyone.
At night when the cleaners came in, we would be the only ones in the building and John was so supportive of their work (even though he would whisper to me that they didn’t do a very good job). The team that worked in Wentworth Hall told me he was the only professor who knew their names.
I consider myself fortunate to have worked in John’s office for years while I was at Dartmouth and after graduation. I had a rare glimpse behind the curtain of the most hard-working and loving man I have ever known. I saw countless students come to Wentworth Hall looking for inspiration and understanding and receiving what they sought.
It means so much to me that he was able to see something in my twenty-two year old self at a time when I couldn’t see it myself.
“To Melinda, A truly authentic human being whose energy brightens our lives.”
Right back at you John.
With love and respect.
I spoke the truth. It was about a boy and a girl – of course. What I saw was real. What I said became the focus as if I had done something wrong. I didn’t do anything wrong. I told what I saw to the wrong person. The girl was popular. As a result I got un-friended. This was not in the virtual sense. We didn’t have virtual then. I was un-friended in the real sense. In the “everyone else is invited” but now I wasn’t. Voted off the island. Alone.
Here’s the thing. I wasn’t in the sixth grade. I was in my 30s. It felt the same.
What is different is what I did afterwards. I invited every single woman who worked at the company (there were 20 or so) to lunch. Including that one. She had an excuse not to come.
One of the women cried when I invited her. She said nobody had ever invited her to anything. This was the first time. She was the receptionist and we ignored her.
It may have been a little late to learn this lesson but we are very aware of how much it hurts to be excluded. We are less likely to be aware of who we are excluding. Same as in the sixth grade.
I had never heard of Pat Reed but last year I decided that I would average at least one MeetUp a week so I go to a lot of things that I know nothing about. Some are worth it, some aren’t. I try to pick out at least one thing that I learn each time. Pat was a pleasant surprise.
What inspired me about Pat was her humility in spite of her amazing accomplishments. She had an uncanny ability to evoke participation from the audience. I had the exact opposite experience at another MeetUp where a presenter kept saying ‘’I am an expert in presentations.’’ Pat didn’t say that. She showed it. What I learned from Pat is to let the audience talk. I was preparing a presentation for the following week and I changed my presentation after watching Pat. I added space for people to speak. She only had a few slides. She really listened to what people had to say. She actually walked over and looked directly at people. Even those people who are prone to go on and on didn’t. Because they were heard. Most of what happened was in the room. Amazing woman, amazing experience. She was one of those people who made me think “Hang on, what am I doing with my life?”
Bas Vodde inspired me because he had walked the walk. His book is based on hundreds of experiments. What he says is, “This is what we tried. It might work for you too. It might have failed for us and work for you.” I absolutely loved the simplicity in his approach. His story about “I want to go very fast in the wrong direction” was brilliant. If you haven’t seen that one, Google “Fireside and Bas Vodde”. The Sydney one was great but he has done the same speech other places.
Brené Brown has one of the most watched TED talks ever. I kind of thought maybe I shouldn’t bother going because I can just watch her online and I don’t have to sit in an uncomfortable chair at the end of a long day. I’m glad I did. You do get more out of it when you make the effort in person. She started interacting with the sign language interpreter on the stage; it was hilarious. Brené takes her own personal experience and combines it with an admirable amount of study and experience. I loved her story about thinking that she had totally screwed up her talk and her husband saying “don’t worry, nobody will ever see it’’. Of course it now has over 24 million views. After watching her talk I was inspired to be more vulnerable. Those real, human moments are what make her so memorable.
Thanks to all of you for your inspiration.
I took a small group adventure tour to China so I didn’t do much research. I just showed up with my wheeled backpack and followed along. So everything was a surprise, some things more than others. These are some of the aspects of my trip to China that I found most surprising.
People seemed reasonably open
China is changing extremely quickly. Young people – like our guide – are actually really positive about it. I felt that our guides were sincere and open. We heard a range of opinions from our guides – didn’t feel like a rigid party line.
Luxury Stores
On one of those tourist busses in Shanghai we passed a Prada store. A few minutes later, we passed it again. Actually, no, it was a different Prada store. And another one. It wasn’t just Prada either. Not only is every major luxury brand there, there are multiple stores for each brand.
The explanation I heard was that not all Chinese citizens are allowed to leave the country. So for many wealthy Chinese, Shanghai is where they get luxury goods. Our guide pointed out that while his parents generation is concerned about saving for retirement, the young people are buying luxury handbags.
Pollution
I am sure the air pollution is terrible but it didn’t seem that bad to us. We happened to hit some days with blue skies. Just for the record, I grew up in LA in the seventies so it is all relative. Are the skies as beautiful as Sydney? Absolutely not. Would I worry about raising children in Beijing? Absolutely! But spending a few days there it wasn’t as terrible as I expected.
I know there are environmental disasters in China. But we didn’t see them. In general things were cleaner than I expected
In saying that, I didn’t drink the water.
Hole in the ground toilets aren’t really that bad
Well, let me clarify that. CLEAN hole in the ground toilets aren’t that bad.
I made a few rookie mistakes the first few times but once I got the hang of it, it wasn’t as bad as I thought.
Don’t expect toilet paper. Carry toilet paper or tissues everywhere. I found it hard to teach myself not to throw toilet paper in the toilet. Also hard to get used to the smelly bins.
It was rare to get decent sinks with hot water, soap and paper towels. I found myself using antiseptic wipes to clean my hands.
Going to the supermarket by myself was really challenging
How hard can it be? It’s a supermarket! But I wandered the aisles for ages trying to find food for our overnight train trip. It was just really hard to figure out what everything was. I bought some cheese that tasted like a combo of white chocolate, cheese and something fruity. Didn’t eat much of that one. Everything – naturally – was labelled in Chinese and the pictures weren’t always obvious.
Tiananmen Square
We went to Tiananmen Square on the anniversary of the “June 4th Incident” of 1989 but the only evidence of that was our guide asking us not to speak about the protests. One of the people in our group saw a news story abruptly stopped on the BBC channel when they referred to the protests. Other than that you wouldn’t know it had happened.
You have to go through several security checkpoints to get in to Tiananmen Square and sometimes you have to wait a while but I didn’t find that surprising. When we went it was really hot. There is no shade. Just a big, mostly empty place.
Lemon Chicken and Sweet & Sour Pork
I always heard that the dishes we eat in Chinese restaurants in Western countries aren’t authentic. On our small group tour we only went to local restaurants. So I thought we were cheating when we ordered Lemon Chicken and Sweet & Sour Pork. Maybe not. Apparently those dishes are authentic in that region. Food varied a lot in different places. Generally it tasted like – well – Chinese food.
Security on the subway
It was also surprising that they had security checks (airport style metal detectors for your bags) at the train and subway stations. I have a passport bag that I wear around my neck with my passport and wallet. I took a lot of subways and trains and only once did they ask me to take it off. Also noticed a lot of people walk straight past the security without putting their bags on. But it was there.
I can live without Google
Think about that. No Google. One thing I realised is that Google is not just google.com. It’s how I get to all the other websites. I don’t remember the whole URL anymore. I just type some of it in. It’s google that’s completing my words. Google is embedded in all sorts of sites and apps.
In saying that, I didn’t really need google on the Great Wall. Or anywhere else I visited. Instead of using my phone as a constant entertainment device, I paid attention to where I was (novel idea). I talked to people. There was a moment on the train when I realised every one of us was reading a book. An actual book! How retro.
I used paper maps. Actual paper. Pens. I wished I had a highlighter. An actual highlighter.
I did use the internet in hotel rooms. Every hotel we stayed in had wifi but it tended to be quite weak. Without Google, I found myself using Wikipedia a lot. I do have VPN on my iPad but getting VPN and Internet access working long enough to actually accomplish anything was rare. I usually wrote emails off line and just sent them when I connected. The pictures I tried to send just failed.
No Facebook either by the way. I didn’t think I used it much. But I was travelling and I wanted to show off my pictures. I only got one posted on the whole tour.
Infrastructure
I was flabbergasted by the infrastructure. Highways were well designed and had manicured plants along the edges. Subways led to pedestrian bridges and tunnels that got us where we needed to go. Particularly in Shanghai and Beijing, everything worked.
Trains
Seriously, some of the train stations were more modern than a lot of airports I have been to.
In major cities, they add new subway lines constantly. We complained that the maps they gave us at the hotel were old. Turns out the subway line near the hotel had just been added this year. I shrugged and drew it on the map.
The bullet trains were amazing. Our itinerary included a 13 hour overnight train but since a new bullet train was just added, the overnight train was replaced by a 3 hour bullet train.
We did take one overnight train which sounded a bit daunting but we had a great time. It wasn’t new but we had what we needed and we slept well
Planes
Honestly I was nervous about the internal flight we had. I was expecting a third world experience. Instead, I found myself at gigantic, modern airports. Everything was new. New planes, professional staff.
I only thought of Xi’an as a place where farmers found the legendary warriors. We were all surprised to arrive in a gigantic airport. Xi’an is a city of 10 million – of course it makes sense that it has a big airport. Walking through baggage claim was a huge eye opener.
Automobiles
Apparently you can’t register a car that is older than ten years. So much for my 18 year old Honda at home. Not the best environmental decision but it means the cars on the road are new. Our guide told us that one of the things that surprised him about Australia was all the old cars. Go figure.
I started taking selfies at the hairdresser because there is not much else to do and I am just sitting there staring at myself in the mirror. So, here it is, selfies at the hairdresser:
Three of my lovely and creative American friends, Holly, Alexis and Dyana, wrote the following Australian version of The Rules:
Some of us were wondering, “Why would Melinda want to go to Australia?”
Then we had the answer. Because of all of the incredible contributions Australia has made to the world.
For example:
Of course, there have been a few “misses,” like:
And now for a few excerpts from the soon-to-be-bestseller
“The Rules – Australian – Style”
RULE #29
Invent your own past. For all he knows, your coworkers DIDN’T live alone in apartments with cats. Envision a room filled with sexy, well-dressed, sane people (kinda like Melrose Place except for that sane thing). Then tell him that’s who you worked with.
RULE #63
Never kiss a man right after eating a Vegemite sandwich.
RULE #88
Remind him often that you come from a superior country. Men love a challenge! Don’t let him think that you are in Australia because you want to be there. Make frequent, unfavourable comparisons between Sydney and San Anselmo.
RULE #101
Don’t let the outback ruin your aura of mystery. Men love mystery! If he offers you a ride in his tractor across miles of scrub brush, reply with a coy “No, thanks.” Let him wonder who you might be meeting. After all, it may just be you and a few dead kangaroos, but HE doesn’t need to know that!
RULE #154
Create opportunities for him to do hard physical labor. Australia is a BIG country, with a lot of BIG things to lift. Occasionally slashing your own tires gives him a chance to change them for you and show he CARES. Remember, you didn’t come all this way to open your own jars of Vegemite!
We’ll miss you, Melinda!
Have a great life.
