Three of my lovely and creative American friends, Holly, Alexis and Dyana, wrote the following Australian version of The Rules:
Some of us were wondering, “Why would Melinda want to go to Australia?”
Then we had the answer. Because of all of the incredible contributions Australia has made to the world.
For example:
- Mel Gibson
- Foster’s Lager (it’s Australian for beer, you know)
- Violet Crumble
- Billy Tea
- koala bears
Of course, there have been a few “misses,” like:
- Air Supply
- Men at Work
- Crocodile Dundee
And now for a few excerpts from the soon-to-be-bestseller
“The Rules – Australian – Style”
RULE #29
Invent your own past. For all he knows, your coworkers DIDN’T live alone in apartments with cats. Envision a room filled with sexy, well-dressed, sane people (kinda like Melrose Place except for that sane thing). Then tell him that’s who you worked with.
RULE #63
Never kiss a man right after eating a Vegemite sandwich.
RULE #88
Remind him often that you come from a superior country. Men love a challenge! Don’t let him think that you are in Australia because you want to be there. Make frequent, unfavourable comparisons between Sydney and San Anselmo.
RULE #101
Don’t let the outback ruin your aura of mystery. Men love mystery! If he offers you a ride in his tractor across miles of scrub brush, reply with a coy “No, thanks.” Let him wonder who you might be meeting. After all, it may just be you and a few dead kangaroos, but HE doesn’t need to know that!
RULE #154
Create opportunities for him to do hard physical labor. Australia is a BIG country, with a lot of BIG things to lift. Occasionally slashing your own tires gives him a chance to change them for you and show he CARES. Remember, you didn’t come all this way to open your own jars of Vegemite!
We’ll miss you, Melinda!
Have a great life.